Er zit een witte pukkel op mijn rechterbil. I always get that when I scratch myself, because I’m allergic to formaldehyde… And some cats, by the way…

Do you mind if I skip the book and continue with the recruitment?

Today, I‘ll make D.O.C.I.S. International a single page with the explanation of Project Nosce Te Ipsum and include a sign-up form. Then I wrap up the story, because if you’d start to catch up after November 30th, you might be swamped for a while, I just realized. I’ve never written this much in my life.

Smoking earlier… Should I quit? Or use a different strain? One that has grown naturally.

I have an engagement rate of 31.27%. That’s really bad… I’m sad to see inequality, too. And that there are more engaging men than reached women. Thanks, anonymous €38.99 =/ €61.89 and thus €22.90 discount!

Who’s unknown? 

Can someone nudge a (potential) Graeyniss? A third… That really sucks… 

Doesn’t the younger generation inform the elder generations? I like that in the eldest generation, I’m more popular than the total of the three generations before that. 

I have been guessing people have been mistaking this for a porn site…

I can’t see incognito searching. I mean for when people try to “stalk me”. If it’s for safeguarding, I don’t mind. AT ALL!!! 😀

I think my actual reach is much larger.

Time for eating and sleeping (is what I say to myself). I’m hungry and tired at the same time. I need to pee, too.

I’m stuck in aso mode :D.

Good night ♥


Today has just started, by the way

It’s interesting how my settings sometimes change. Why would I schedule this article on a future date? I speak about what’s going on as I write, so the best publication moment is now.


Good afternoon…

The man of the house has told me to pack my bags. I told him that I have a deadline and that I have no where else to go.

He threatened to beat me, and I told him that he should do it, because he’s going to regret it. He said that this is his house and I am his daughter and thus I live under his rules. I told him that he’s not my biological father and that I have the right to live here, since I’ve lived here since I was 8.

I don’t know how he got there, but at some point he said: “Then I’ll let you be unsubscribed from living in this house.” And I said: “Please do! I insist!”

After some further arguing, he allowed me to finish cooking before leaving.

They have planned a family therapy session in Amsterdam at 5 and I didn’t want to go. I already told them that at the last session.

This arguing is such a waste of my time and energy

When I told him about my deadline, he said: “No one reads LilFangs.com. If I would own a business, I would never hire you.”
I said: “That’s no problem, because I am my own boss.”

When my mother had joined the argument, at some point, I started to secretly make an audio recording. I’ll put it on SoundCloud? Hahahahahah. Maybe I’ll be able to sample it one day HAHAHAHA.

It’s getting time for me to leave anyway, since I woke up to this text and those people from the “VIP team” [vroege interventie psychose team = early intervention for psychoses] have so much authority in this system, they could tell me to hand in my phone and stay in an isolation cell for weeks.

I never made an appointment… They were one of the reasons why I ran away to the US. They’re soooooooo hard to get rid of. 

Haha meoow real papa help mee. Save me from all of these people please. They’ve been trailing me since before I went missing the first time.


Before I leave, I want to edit the D.O.C.I.S. International website and eat some. I already packed. I packed much better than last time!

Laptop bag + charger :D. Look at that dike. I’m glad this is my way out. Did you know this neighborhood is a “bathtub” in terms of dyke construction? 

Not taking my Nintendo Switch this time


Another one x_x <– That is the short audio of a little bit of the last piece of ugh I could capture. It’s “another recorded argument”.

By not making their voices unrecognizable, I’m breaking some privacy rules, but fuck this. Things were already fucked up anyway, in terms of their interference. 

I need my Graeynissis :[.

The D.O.C.I.S. International website is done. I have a very long set of train rides, so there, I’ll work on the ebook. Travelling first class was 0.90 cents cheaper due to too many people travelling second class :D.


I’m in the train, on my way to Berlin with 7 transits. One in Utrecht!  

There is no reason to smile. I’m fang flexing

From Germany, I have a train ride where I can sit all way through. I arrive on 05:54. 


D. O. C. I. S. International trains will definitely have music in them! 

I’m on a high speed train that is like a twig from the perspective of an outerspace camera to the Earth. 


At this point in my life, I did not intend to be ON THIS TRAIN. AGAIN. 

I was working towards my release D.O.C.I.S. on November 30th. 

How’s the sabotaging business? 

I’ve been losing a craaaazy amount of data and I know that real data never vanishes.

As in if the memory of the computer it were on were to be analyzed, even after deletion, it will still be found :]. 

But yes, I just lost a big piece of text, again. The most important points were:

  • Ahh sexy accentsss…. 😀
  • Rechts wonen? 😀 [By this I mean living on the right side of Earth looking from the perspective of the Netherlands. The sea is on the left side. The sea below sea level… It’s the safe side :D.]
  • Were Germany, Poland and Russia allies and were they red or blue? (Red, right?) I’m trying to learn about the history of the scheme THE NETHERLANDS have set up.  

    Gaan om twaalf uur Benoît zijn regels gelden? *moans*

    That is something from a beef with my “father” [the man who said ” *clap* GO!” in the audio file I uploaded earlier] had a craazy long time ago. I’m living through flashbacks… 

    It was the zillionth time I went downstairs to tell my parents: “Benoît will pick me up. Goodbye.” They say it was “a psychosis”, I say it was powerlessness. Powerlessness in the sense that I needed to get the fuck away from them, because they give me waaaay to much bad publicity and I don’t want to die a lie. Now I’m showing you what my worst type of self is, so that you know what to expect :D. 

    At some point he said: “I’m done with this. [I’ve been doing this for monthsssssssss.] If he hasn’t been here by twelve o’clock, the rules of your mother and I will become the new standard of this house.” 

    I hoped for him to come. I was fully offline in that period of my life. It was only The Head Cuddle and I… 

    Benoît didn’t come and thus my life became more hellish than before. 

    But that is now over! I’m never going back :D. 

    There’s still no Benoît in my life, though :'(.

    But meoow. The issue is that if I were as rich as people thought I’d be, I would be traveling to a much sunnier place right now. 

    But Berlin is a good alternative :D. Then I can continue this “background research”… When it comes to knowing the economical environment we all live in today. I still only know “the Dutch perspective”, since I’ve unfortunately spent most years of school there. [Meine vierte bis neunzehnte Lebensjahren(?)] 

    It’s funny when people think I’m a neonazi and I speak German. Because I’m not that person at all :D. 

    I couldn’t find my spots for the first class train before the train left, so I’m travelling second class now… Still comfortable :D. 


    This is a leap of public privacy after marketing :D. 

    Rather here than in the Netherlands…

    I hope “my father” really sticks to his words of kicking me out of the house that is also the address of my company. Then I’m fully bound to taking it to California! 😀

    But I’m kind of tense from the energies in my body that make me want to kill “my father” and his allies. 

    I need to relax… 

    I am allowed to do this, “even though I have a deadline”