About the friend of my sister: because she paralyzes twice a day, I think she needs “past Dutch borders” medical assistance as well… I zone out…*


I still can’t sleep. Meow :[.


At the peak of my high and my laking, I was finally able to go to sleep. 

Today, having to talk to this “health care specialist”, makes me want to throw up… 

The only reasons I give in, when my mother forces me to talk to a Dutch psychiatrist, is because:

  1. I want to prove that the psychiatrists are wrong for labeling me as and treating me like I’m a schizophrenic. 
  2. I want copies from my medical records – something I have the right to, but is often still refused. Before they delete everything, when they realize that they’re messing with the wrong person. 
  3. Sitting inside the house has bored me so much, that re-sparking some of the thrill of the past few years, might do my heart well. 

I still have this pressure headache. Usually, the sounds that come from the road behind the house, don’t get on my nerves that much. Now, my brain craves for absolute silence. I wish to go abroad…

* By “I zone out…” I mean that ever since the involvement of certain governmental parties, due to parental measures, I’ve been dealing with more stress and anger than usual and in moments where I need to keep calm, because otherwise they would put me in an isolation cell, I force myself to zone out, instead of using my mental and physical strengths that now feel limitless. I’m not here to commit crimes, so I need to keep calm. The fangs still want playful practice, though… 

It’s still hilarious that all that time, before the “continue reading” button, people thought I wrote these pieces of only 50 words AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA   😂😂😂& #x1F602;. [the code is there because I need to re-insert it for every update and copy-pasting is faster]   

At some point, I was losing so many readers, I was starting to become very worried. But now I see an almost historic – especially because I haven’t done any advertising – increase in popularity. If it’s not because of online advertising, I think it’s because of word of mouth. I think that, because people like to talk about other people [and not themselves?], word of mouth is still very powerful.

It’s interesting how, in this overall situation, the friend of my sister and I, are both internationally oriented creatives, and we’re both dealing with strange health conditions. 

15:32 (03:32 PM) 

I need a doctor, man… But I’m allowed to chose who, right? 

19:10 (07:10 PM) 

I feel so light headed after this long conversation. It was very comforting to hear certain statements by my father and sister. 

Again, I mentioned not wanting any of this recorded in my files. He said that they were going to create a (new) document with their findings. I told them that I do not want that in my medical record and that I want a copy of their “composition”. For that, I gave them my business card. I said that I will not allow them to make a copy of my renewed passport (that was made after I lost my bag, in June this year), as long as I haven’t seen what they have written. I also said that I do not want to have another session (AGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN). There are audio recordings of our conversation. The assistant sat next to my mother. She has been typing out a lot of things while we were talking. I asked them several times, to show me what they have been writing about me. They refused showing it to me on the spot. The psychiatrist said that he was going to write down his findings first and then allow me to add corrections. 

21:56 (09:56 PM)

I’m still dealing with the after-effects of that hell of a conversation we just had. There was so much anger I was hiding, that I couldn’t stop “flexing my fangs”, while the right side of my top lip was shaking. I want to do international business and my problem is that my mother keeps forcing me to subject myself to the Dutch psychiatric system. It’s such an insult to my intellect. I need to get out of here…

It saddens me that I lost my self-control, during the conversation. At some points, I just couldn’t stop interrupting them…

I’m going to try to sleep…