01:17 (AM) 

This is a very interesting feature of Rotterdam: 

And at my parents (“and my”) house it’s -4,5

The interesting center of Rotterdam… 🤔

According to the nearest surrounding points of flood height (and thus depth of land) it seems to be where the flood starts, if here nothing happens at all. 

Meoww I’m going to eat some soup, watch some more elections tv and go to sleepp

Love youu

~~~

15:24 (03:24 PM) 

Jeeeeeez today is a heavily turbulent day. Weeks ago, I planned to be fully focused on writing today. But it seems like I’ll have to pick up my belongings in Amsterdam. Because the “if you sleep in Amsterdam, Jamiro will not sleep at home” rule stays active. And I don’t want to be a homewrecker. 

So right now, I’m in the metro, on my way to pick up my mother’s car, so that I can drive to Amsterdam and empty my room there, and then move that stuff to the house of my parents. And then I’m going back to my grandma’s house. Staying at my parents’ home is not an option to me. 

~~~

22:43 (10:43 PM) 

Emptying my room in Amsterdam took quite some time. The grandchildren of the home owners helped me a little. I also helped Genesis a little with “mathematics”. I’m going to miss them 🙁 . 

The left page we did together, the right page is for her self-practice.

After I put all of my stuff in the car, we quickly “talked everything through”. Because I hadn’t spoken to Jamiro ever since this abnormal situation (I mean the “not staying at home rule”) emerged. His father, the home owner of the home we have all lived in, was present at the conversation of 5 minutes as well. 

Jamiro told me something I already knew, which is that most people don’t find it normal to lay in each other’s bed. When I did this to him, I did not yet know that he does not find this normal, I told him. 

Then his father said that what I did was way worse, because I dropped sexual hints. I wanted to say that it is none of his motherfucking business what I have said. But I don’t rage at people when they have paid for things for me, it’s not my home and I’m still able to find my happy place. 

Using himself as an example “If I say something sexual to you, what would you think of that,” type of stuff. I consider that very incomparable, but whatever. I don’t care about gender and age. It’s all equal to me. I kept it short. The situation was ruined since that stupid rule. I let him finish his speech, gave him my pros and cons and left. Not long afterwards returned to hand in my key (I forgot). Then left again. 

I dropped my many belongings off in my bedroom at my parents’ house. Then my mother asked me what my plan is now that I am not staying in Amsterdam anymore. I told her “Find a job or something, continue my search for an investor, whatever,” I have a fucking book I want to publish. Then she said that the success of those things are not guaranteed, and that I should just move back in with them. I told her that I don’t want to – which is nothing new – and then I left. 

This feels worse than my first heartbreak. To have this one action draw a wedge between me and someone I love and cherish so much. I don’t give a fuck about the rest. But my Jam catje 🙁 . I feel like crying so bad. But I can only cry when I’m fully by myself, or when I have a shoulder to cry on. I have no fucking shoulder to cry on. Most of my friends and relatives are the reason why I want to cry anyway. I thought my catje was an exception. In my mind, he still is an exception 🙁 . 

I hope I can find my focus to write tomorrow. And that my heartbreak will be over very soon. And that I’ll somehow find my own place to live even sooner, because these tears are very hard to hold back.

I’m going to lay down

Good night ♥

xxx –